How Can I Talk About My Debt More Openly?

There’s no doubt that financial problems spell anxiety for many people.

It’s hard to open up money even at the best of times—it’s just something that we’re culturally trained not to talk about—but it’s especially tough when things aren’t perfect.

When times are tough, it’s often easier to pretend the opposite. Especially in this day and age, there’s an expectation of prosperity.

Open Instagram, and what do you see? Your friends’ vacation photos from exotic beaches. A celeb’s hot new designer digs. But they never post the bills they racked up to build this lifestyle, to maintain it. We don’t ask, and they don’t talk about it.

Because we’re all so shy about the hard realities of our finances, the topic gets harder and harder to address. This is a completely understandable state of affairs—but it’s not a healthy one.

Opening up about your debts might be difficult, but sometimes it’s necessary.

If you’re in a relationship, for instance, you have to be able to sit down and honestly discuss your finances with your partner. Avoiding this means you’re giving up on one of your best avenues of emotional (and potentially financial) support, and in extreme cases, it could damage your relationship.

Similarly, if you’re in enough debt that you need help (e.g., by pursuing financial counseling or by asking your credit company to let you pay off what you owe at a reduced interest rate), flatly refusing to talk about it amounts to shooting yourself in the foot. It prevents you from seeking the help that you need.

The hard truth is that if you’re in enough debt, you need to be able to sit down and discuss it, at least with people you trust.

Fortunately, overcoming your (natural) reluctance to discuss your debt is far from impossible.

You really just need to remind yourself of three things:

1. Debt is incredibly common

Having debt doesn’t make you an outcast—it makes you human. Many people, probably including some that you know, have more debt than they want to admit. According to Experian, the average American has over $5,000 in credit card debt, $16,000 in personal loans, and over $38,792 in student loans. 

Debt is a struggle for almost everybody, so don’t feel embarrassed asking for help.

2. Being in debt doesn’t make you a bad person

Being in debt doesn’t make you a failure. It doesn’t mean that you’re lazy, and it doesn’t necessarily mean you’re bad with money.

People can fall into debt for dozens of reasons. Sometimes it’s because they made mistakes, such as using their credit cards carelessly in the past, but sometimes people go into debt for the best of reasons—for instance, by taking out student loans to pay for college, or because they had an unexpected medical expense that their insurance didn’t cover.

If you’re in debt, you’re in a club with a lot of members, many of whom are intelligent, responsible people. Don’t fall into the trap of feeling like your debt is a reflection of who you are as a person.

3. Debt isn’t forever

If you’re being crushed under a mountain of debt and feel like you’ll never be able to get out, it’s perfectly understandable if you’re reluctant to talk about it. After all, why suffer the embarrassment if it’s something you can’t change?

This thought process makes sense—but it’s still the wrong attitude to have. No matter how much debt you’re in, it’s possible to climb out eventually.

Ways to get out of debt

There are a lot of strategies you can use to get out of debt. Look into:

• Hardship programs: As mentioned, you may be able to contact your creditors and ask for help. In particular, credit card companies will often offer “hardship programs,” which allow you to pay off your debts at a reduced interest rate (and sometimes defer them) as long as you stick to a particular payment plan.
• Earning extra money: Sometimes, reducing your debt is just a matter of fixing your cash flow problems. Consider picking up a side gig or second job to boost your income (start by reviewing our list of the best ideas for side hustles) or simply having a yard sale.
• Cutting down expenses: You can do this in tandem with boosting your income. If you have a partner or you live with roommates, they may be able to help you identify areas you can trim. This is why it’s so critical to be able to talk about your debt—figuring out how to pay it down is much easier when you aren’t going at it alone.

It’s easier said than done, but overcoming your anxiety about your financial issues is very important. Once you’re over that emotional hump, you’ll be in better shape to actually pay off your debts.

Just keep reminding yourself that it’s possible—and that debt is nothing to be ashamed of.